Posted in Social Wellness

Connecting with your support network

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The reality of a Support Network

Here are two definitions:

β€œA support network refers to the people in your life that help you achieve your personal and professional goals.” (How can I develop a support network? | DO-IT, n.d.)
β€œA group of people who provide emotional and practical help to someone in serious difficulty”. (Cambridge Dictionary, n.d.)

The importance is in the word β€˜help’.

There seems to be a delusion that your support network needs to be big, but it is sincerely okay if it is small. Would you rather have 1 person who invested in you and supported you versus 5 people who can barely make time for you and give lacklustre support?

The truth is we attract what we expose to people consistently. Around the age of 17/18, a figment of my imagination of a support network was full of people who just wanted to recklessly have fun; gossip and have small talk all time; hard to believe now right? ( I have a blog based on introspection @v@) But that reflected my character.

Contradictory to what you think, friends do not have to be your only support network; your coach can be your support network; your counsellor/psychologist can be your support network; your dog can be your support network; the spider in the corner of your ro- anyways remember:

A support network refers to; the people in your life that help you achieve your personal and professional goals…’ Now that I look at it, it doesn’t really resonate with me that much; hmm let me make my own definition:

A support network is a network of people, objects; locations etc. that can remind you of who you are to ground you during life whirlwinds and can encourage you to get back on track to fulfilling your life’s purpose – Ester. fakedictionary.com 2021

What should you be looking for?

When acknowledging who is in your support network this is not about people you run to for solutions or advice but for encouragement. Is there anyone you know that encourages you sincerely not for the good or bad but simply encourages you when you are fearful about changes in your life?

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You are your biggest support network.

This is natural to say but I want to point this out to people who feel like they do not have anyone as a support network, even their own family. Rather than making you doubt yourself with β€œthe people around you, love you, you jUst dOn’T kNoW it..” Let us use this scenario to reiterate the importance of being your biggest support network because there are many people who truly do not have a support network now.

Being your own support network is mainly about staying grounded but also looks like:

  • Introspection- Reflecting by looking within yourself and trying to get a deeper knowledge of who you know you are and have faith in that.
  • Putting on different lenses to see different perspectives on what you are going through presently.
  • Doubling down on positive self-talk:
@resetnyc

Personally, I think it’s fine to be your own support network, especially as the beginning of forming a relationship can be worrisome.

Take time and have discernment when forming relationships as having people around you that can keep you afloat is as important as the net underneath a tight rope; even if there is a 99% chance of you not falling.

Reciprocation

What tends to go wrong with support networks in most cases is the issue of receptivity. Without going too deep, simply, someone you care about can reciprocate their support for you differently. This is something I realised a lot later after a friendship did not work out. Do you know their love language? Not just how you express you support them but how they reciprocate that expression. If yours is quality time, you would want your support network to express support by contacting and spending time with you. However, if their love language is acts of service, they might express support by travelling to your house to give you something to make you smile; but do not plan to stay any longer than 45 minutes. Do you see how this works? Equally, you need to communicate what your love language is:

Source: https://www.thelawofattraction.com/love-languages/
Every relationship requires compromise and balance because each human being is a snowflake; we do have similarities, but we are different.

Support Network: Parasocial Relationships

β€˜Parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships, where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, the persona, is completely unaware of the other’s existence’. Sometimes it might be a para-social relationship the other person may not know which can be dangerous for you and the other.

For instance, a YouTuber, they don’t know you, but you look forward to their videos because they always encourage or inspire you, but co-dependency can be damaging to your self-development

Overall, take your time with forming your support network and have a mutual understanding of where the boundaries lie.

Staying connected can really help your mental well-being, so stay tuned to more blogging regarding this topic. If there’s something that resonated with you, please do let me know in the comment section😊

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Posted in Emotional Wellness

Giving yourself a mental break

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Give yourself a break; Is it just me or is it becoming normal to be laying in bed and still be exhausted; having a lot to do but not having the energy to do it? Like me, are you struggling to sustain a healthy period of sleep, is time going by quickly, are you struggling to recall information? Okay, I think we need a mental break. In this blog, I will be giving you pointers that will be practically helpful in the short run.

Releasing a frantic mind

If you are like me, you will punish yourself by filling up your mind with thoughts unnecessarily and aggressively when you could be okay with just simply not having them. It’s hard telling yourself to rest when you are so used to running, and it’s hard telling yourself to rest when you feel like you are not deserving of it but if you are reading this, your intuition is probably telling you it’s time to take a mental break.

If you know that you want to pause your frantic mind, then you need to find a safe space and practice stillness. A safe space can be anything, anywhere, as long as it’s a space that you have chosen to be the location that you know gives you a comforted feeling of being alone. Some of my safe spaces in the past have been, the roof of a car park, an empty meeting room that no one goes to at a particular time, my couch and one I have created in my mind when I meditate. I

Journal

Journalling, is another well-known activity for health and wellness and there are two types:

  • Expressive writing: journalling your innermost feelings and thoughts; focusing on the experience.
  • Gratitude journaling: focusing on the positive aspects of life by capturing situations, events, and interactions for which you are grateful.

The Benefits of Journalling run far and wide and I don’t want to bore you with endless facts, so here are a few:

  • Reducing anxiety
  • Breaking away from a nonstop cycle of obsessive thinking and brooding
  • Improving the awareness and perception of events
  • Regulating emotions
  • Encouraging awareness
  • Boosting physical health

You do not have to restrict yourself to traditional journalling (writing in a notebook), you can also type in a digital notepad or voice record on your phone, whatever works for you. The most important point is that you feel safe and comfortable doing the activity

Going out 

Goodness, gracious, going outside. So simple yet so hard, you know it is just there, but you just cannot get yourself to do it. If what I am thinking, and feeling is weighing heavy I write it down and sometimes take it 2 more steps further; break down actions I may or ideally take regarding it and then I dare myself to put on some shoes; step outside and breathe. Commit to a 5-minute mindful stroll, leave your phone behind if you are willing; and then pay attention to the small things that are around you. Doing this alongside sitting down for 5 minutes in silence can do wonders.

Give yourself a Social Media break

I mean, what is there to say; for most people, social media is a part of our lifestyle and we’re constantly taking in information that ends up freely wandering in our subconscious. It can be draining and can have you floating away from the reality that is now. Let’s challenge each other to stay away from it until the next morning and see how we feel πŸ™‚

Surprise yourself! naturally

Balance out the stuffiness of your mind by giving yourself a natural dose of happiness chemicals.

Dopamine (Reward Chemical) πŸ₯‡: Enables motivation, learning and pleasure.

How you could release it: Complete a task, Celebrate a small win (I play the easiest level of chess and it sincerely lights up my day again)

Oxytocin (The Love Hormone) ❀: Motivates you to build and sustain relationships (it’s simply satisfying)

How I release it: Giving a sincere compliment, Hugging a family member,

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Serotonin (Mood Stabilizer) πŸ§˜β€β™‚οΈ: Helps with self-acceptance.

How I release it: Meditation, Sun Exposure, walking in nature

Endorphin (Painkiller) πŸ’Š:  A response to pain and stress that temporarily alleviates from mental and physical pain

How you could release it: watch a comedy, Essential Oils (Lavender is a natural go-to), Exercise 

None of these stick in the long run and they do have their shadow effects; with that, it’s all about maintaining a balance a lot of the time when our brain is β€˜exhausted’ it’s usually due to a consistency of something bad or even good. Almost like a wheel of fortune, a mental break isn’t just referring to stress, it’s referring to change and it’s referring to balance. I hope you can treat your mind nicely today, forced relaxation or positivity is also harsh on your mind and are typically counterproductive, follow your inner knowing to unbind the knots in your mind. If you have any suggestions please do comment below.

If you still need a little more or just more of an extensive guide if you know that you have constantly found yourself in a cycle of mental exhaustion I would love to recommend one particular book that gives you a sincere and practical guide to mindfulness:

I sincerely recommend their book: Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a frantic world. Their book provides a practical guide for practising mindfulness based on Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) and is suitable for people who don’t have a particular emotional or meant al disorder. This book really opened my eyes to help me understand why my brain was challenging me at an unhelpful time and gave me a beginner’s guide to put a stop to obsessive negative cycles.

I understand there are some who have it harder, I learnt that one of the co-authors of the book also wrote another edition called: The Mindful Way through Depression, this may hopefully validate your hardship but also give you the clarity that you may need to support you on your journey. Both books have been received positively, but if you have any other suggestions please share!

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Photo by Jc Laurio 

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