Only the first 30 seconds are played. Open the app in the background to have the full experience. Click on this link for tidal
Note* The example I will be using is a small scale event that will aid the description of my resolve in a clear manner. It’s also fresh, as it occurred a few hours ago so enjoy!
Trigger Wound: Injustice
An injustice wound typically develops in childhood, though it can form in adulthood through experiences where you were treated unfairly or witnessed unfair treatment of others. This wound often stems from three core schemas: emotional deprivation, mistrust, and dependence. The feeling of persistent unfairness usually arises from emotional neglect or being repeatedly mistreated. Many people carry this wound without realising it, which is why seemingly small instances of unfairness can trigger such intense emotional reactions.
Growing up I had the unfortunate reality of things of mine being thrown away, taking from me, and simply just having a negligent parent, in school I’ve had complex experiences where social dynamics lead to exacerbated events of injustice too. To give a small spec of frequent incidents I had was my relationship to a particular sibling. This sibling had the habit of taking things that were mine or meant to be shared amongst us as a family, treats, game consoles, clothes. Now siblings wearing your clothes is frustrating but not the worst, but I had a sibling who would take a clothing of mine, scratch the logo, to intentionally make it harder to recognise, and be very cautious about when they wear it, and when asked what happened they would lie and gaslight me. Now this wound is one of the smaller ones I have so I’m happy to share it with you.
The Event: A stolen package
Today something irritating happened a package was stolen. I prefer pick up locations to collect my deliveries but because the package was huge it had to be delivered. The delivery driver was quite negligent and left the package in an open space leaving the building door wide open with the package in sight, a building which is 30secs across a bus stop and main road to a bus garage and a shopping centre. Within a span of 15mins (I simply washed my rice for a meal) I went downstairs it was gone.
Now I do have a wound around injustice, its smaller than the others I have but its there. But this is how I was able to restore emotional balance.
‘empowering yourself has everything to do with leaning into and being attuned to your direct experiences and then taking your life in the direction, you want’
Acceptance: It’s unfair, its stupid, the person who stole it will reap rewards for stealing, the negligent employee won’t even hear a word about this and may continue being a reckless delivery driver regardless for the rest of the afternoon, as it will just be written as a business expense that can take place sometimes. I on the other hand, no longer have the reality in which I had what was rightfully mine in my hand today, something I’ve been looking forward to for quite a while.
De-fusion: Detachment from the thought that was inflating the experience. In the book ‘The Happiness Trap’ by Russ Harris in the first edition, one of the earliest teachings was defusion, acknowledging, thoughts simply being words.
Thoughts are just ‘words’ that come in and out of your mind.
and the reality is that we are the ones that offer meaning to these words, this is what ‘triggers’ and emotion. We can’t control our trigger but we can change and manipulate what these words mean to us. And this leads on to the next lesson, understanding what we can and can’t control because that is what is most useful to think about:
Develop the courage to solve those problems that can be solved, the serenity to accept those problems that can’t be solved, and the wisdom to know the difference
I reported the item as missing, I have to wait 2 days before looking for a resolution in the case it magically pops up near my door, a location that even the deliver driver had no desire to come to (bear with me, I promise I’m releasing this)
I also had to acknowledge that I felt like sh*t. My injustice wound naturally will trigger thoughts of why am I getting the short end of the stick? What about me is deserving of this? An impulse to avenge (write a bad review, escalating it by calling the police, check the security cameras, print a picture slap it at the front door, I was pissed for 5 minutes straight!)
So, it was important for me to manage my response. So it was important for me in my actions to restore a balance, to feel like I can offer myself consideration (opposite action) from what I just experienced. This is the internal working for me I defused the experience:
‘This is an isolated event that happened, I will not stockpile it to paint an image that this is or will be a pattern in my life, evidence, I received a package earlier this morning, it was on time and was safely received.
I’m trialling some new skincare products!
This event was something where the probability of something bad happening was conveniently higher, it was 5pm-ish, I live in a high traffic location, the door into the housing complex was left wide open it’s not a gate with a concierge inside it’s just an unsupervised entrance.
My life will move on, I will get what’s owed to me as it’s not my fault to carry. I still have a to-do list to get done, I have admin to prepare for my master’s degree, I would like to create a YouTube banner for my YouTube channel, I also would like to refine my brand slide deck. My money will be refunded, and the outcome of me consuming the products will be happening in a week. What every person involved in this mishap does is also no longer my business.
Opposite Action: I journalled in my mood diary, which is simply a little homework I’m doing for my counsellor for the week. I’m ultimately just monitoring patterns and triggers like this one that could be affecting my mental health; I wrote this blog as gratitude to my experiences as it shows how much I have matured; I did a 20 min yoga routine, and finally ending my night using the skin care that safely arrived in my hands earlier in the morning.
There are many ways that we can regulate ourselves after triggering events: situation selection, situation modification, response modulation… but I think this strategy was the most effective it had a mix of ACT/DBT strategies (acceptance, cognitive reappraisal & opposite action) through a process of wound → trigger → acceptance → defusion → opposite action. I really hope this blog was useful or simply stimulating to read! Wishing you well.
Ester
Ester's Eunoia 