“No man can escape his destiny, the next inquiry being how he may best live the time that he has to live”
Marcus Aurelius Roman Stoic Philosopher, 121 – 180
Tag: Connect
Quote Of The Day! 📔
“Confine yourself to the present.”
Marcus Aurelius Roman Stoic Philosopher, 121 – 180
Quote Of The Day! 📔
“ If any man despises me, that is his problem. My only concern is not doing of saying anything deserving of contempt.”
Marcus Aurelius Roman Stoic Philosopher, 121 – 180
Quote Of The Day 📔
“How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it”
Marcus Aurelius Roman Stoic Philosopher, 121 – 180
Grievous: “ very severe or Serious”
Quote of The Day! 📙
“Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticise?”
Marcus Aurelius Roman Stoic Philosopher, 121 – 180
Connecting with your support network
The reality of a Support Network
Here are two definitions:
“A support network refers to the people in your life that help you achieve your personal and professional goals.” (How can I develop a support network? | DO-IT, n.d.)
“A group of people who provide emotional and practical help to someone in serious difficulty”. (Cambridge Dictionary, n.d.)
The importance is in the word ‘help’.
There seems to be a delusion that your support network needs to be big, but it is sincerely okay if it is small. Would you rather have 1 person who invested in you and supported you versus 5 people who can barely make time for you and give lacklustre support?
The truth is we attract what we expose to people consistently. Around the age of 17/18, a figment of my imagination of a support network was full of people who just wanted to recklessly have fun; gossip and have small talk all time; hard to believe now right? ( I have a blog based on introspection @v@) But that reflected my character.
Contradictory to what you think, friends do not have to be your only support network; your coach can be your support network; your counsellor/psychologist can be your support network; your dog can be your support network; the spider in the corner of your ro- anyways remember:
A support network refers to; the people in your life that help you achieve your personal and professional goals…’ Now that I look at it, it doesn’t really resonate with me that much; hmm let me make my own definition:
A support network is a network of people, objects; locations etc. that can remind you of who you are to ground you during life whirlwinds and can encourage you to get back on track to fulfilling your life’s purpose – Ester. fakedictionary.com 2021
What should you be looking for?
When acknowledging who is in your support network this is not about people you run to for solutions or advice but for encouragement. Is there anyone you know that encourages you sincerely not for the good or bad but simply encourages you when you are fearful about changes in your life?
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You are your biggest support network.
This is natural to say but I want to point this out to people who feel like they do not have anyone as a support network, even their own family. Rather than making you doubt yourself with “the people around you, love you, you jUst dOn’T kNoW it..” Let us use this scenario to reiterate the importance of being your biggest support network because there are many people who truly do not have a support network now.
Being your own support network is mainly about staying grounded but also looks like:
- Introspection- Reflecting by looking within yourself and trying to get a deeper knowledge of who you know you are and have faith in that.
- Putting on different lenses to see different perspectives on what you are going through presently.
- Doubling down on positive self-talk:
Personally, I think it’s fine to be your own support network, especially as the beginning of forming a relationship can be worrisome.
Take time and have discernment when forming relationships as having people around you that can keep you afloat is as important as the net underneath a tight rope; even if there is a 99% chance of you not falling.
Reciprocation
What tends to go wrong with support networks in most cases is the issue of receptivity. Without going too deep, simply, someone you care about can reciprocate their support for you differently. This is something I realised a lot later after a friendship did not work out. Do you know their love language? Not just how you express you support them but how they reciprocate that expression. If yours is quality time, you would want your support network to express support by contacting and spending time with you. However, if their love language is acts of service, they might express support by travelling to your house to give you something to make you smile; but do not plan to stay any longer than 45 minutes. Do you see how this works? Equally, you need to communicate what your love language is:
Every relationship requires compromise and balance because each human being is a snowflake; we do have similarities, but we are different.
Support Network: Parasocial Relationships
‘Parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships, where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, the persona, is completely unaware of the other’s existence’. Sometimes it might be a para-social relationship the other person may not know which can be dangerous for you and the other.
For instance, a YouTuber, they don’t know you, but you look forward to their videos because they always encourage or inspire you, but co-dependency can be damaging to your self-development
Overall, take your time with forming your support network and have a mutual understanding of where the boundaries lie.
Staying connected can really help your mental well-being, so stay tuned to more blogging regarding this topic. If there’s something that resonated with you, please do let me know in the comment section😊
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Good Morning! 🦉- Filling emptiness with light
Da’at – This term is a reference to the ‘tree of life’ in Judaism. I would like to show my respect by being honest that my reference to this term is of my own philosophical reflections and not at all coming from a comprehensive understanding of the ‘tree of life’.
As empty as you feel is as whole as you could be. There is a Chinese proverb I came across that said the ‘usefulness in a glass is in its emptiness’. What this meant for me was that the parts within me that feel empty can be filled with light, which is as vast as my emptiness. Exposing myself as I say this, growing into my adulthood from adolescence I had an emptiness within me when it came to connecting with someone emotionally. The cup for this is not that big, (as there are various ways for one to be nourished emotionally) but it was still difficult to fill and with that, it was hard to feel enough. Recently I got into contact with my qualified, personal coach (which she does not get paid for but commits to) and I have known her for about 5 years now. Two days ago, she let me know that she was going to stay in my life after our sessions and has expressed her genuine desire to support me as a person.
When I was not showing growth or results people close to me paid no mind to me; when I was compromising my time and energy for the ones I cared for and asked for it to be reciprocated I was not heard. In the past few months when all I had was ambitions but not the energy to achieve them there was only one person I can confidently say stood by me and that was her. I am grateful that I let go of those who had left me feeling helpless, uncared for and powerless because it made space for people who poured empowerment, support and affection into my life instead.
Respect the emptiness you may harbor as you can watch it be filled with “light, purpose and mission”.
Ester's Eunoia 