Category: Emotional Wellness

Everything thing to do with identifying dysfunctional and maladaptive belief systems; to challenge them and to document utilisation of emotional regulation strategies

Posted in Emotional Wellness

Emotional Wellness: How I responded to an injustice wound that has been triggered with emotion regulation theory and strategy.

Posted on by Ester

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Note* The example I will be using is a small scale event that will aid the description of my resolve in a clear manner. It’s also fresh, as it occurred a few hours ago so enjoy!

Trigger Wound: Injustice

An injustice wound typically develops in childhood, though it can form in adulthood through experiences where you were treated unfairly or witnessed unfair treatment of others. This wound often stems from three core schemas: emotional deprivation, mistrust, and dependence. The feeling of persistent unfairness usually arises from emotional neglect or being repeatedly mistreated. Many people carry this wound without realising it, which is why seemingly small instances of unfairness can trigger such intense emotional reactions.

Growing up I had the unfortunate reality of things of mine being thrown away, taking from me, and simply just having a negligent parent, in school I’ve had complex experiences where social dynamics lead to exacerbated events of injustice too. To give a small spec of frequent incidents I had was my relationship to a particular sibling. This sibling had the habit of taking things that were mine or meant to be shared amongst us as a family, treats, game consoles, clothes. Now siblings wearing your clothes is frustrating but not the worst, but I had a sibling who would take a clothing of mine, scratch the logo, to intentionally make it harder to recognise, and be very cautious about when they wear it, and when asked what happened they would lie and gaslight me. Now this wound is one of the smaller ones I have so I’m happy to share it with you.

The Event: A stolen package

Today something irritating happened a package was stolen. I prefer pick up locations to collect my deliveries but because the package was huge it had to be delivered. The delivery driver was quite negligent and left the package in an open space leaving the building door wide open with the package in sight, a building which is 30secs across a bus stop and main road to a bus garage and a shopping centre. Within a span of 15mins (I simply washed my rice for a meal) I went downstairs it was gone.

Now I do have a wound around injustice, its smaller than the others I have but its there. But this is how I was able to restore emotional balance.

‘empowering yourself has everything to do with leaning into and being attuned to your direct experiences and then taking your life in the direction, you want’

Acceptance: It’s unfair, its stupid, the person who stole it will reap rewards for stealing, the negligent employee won’t even hear a word about this and may continue being a reckless delivery driver regardless for the rest of the afternoon, as it will just be written as a business expense that can take place sometimes. I on the other hand, no longer have the reality in which I had what was rightfully mine in my hand today, something I’ve been looking forward to for quite a while.

De-fusion: Detachment from the thought that was inflating the experience. In the book ‘The Happiness Trap’ by Russ Harris in the first edition, one of the earliest teachings was defusion, acknowledging, thoughts simply being words.

Thoughts are just ‘words’ that come in and out of your mind.

and the reality is that we are the ones that offer meaning to these words, this is what ‘triggers’ and emotion. We can’t control our trigger but we can change and manipulate what these words mean to us. And this leads on to the next lesson, understanding what we can and can’t control because that is what is most useful to think about:

Develop the courage to solve those problems that can be solved, the serenity to accept those problems that can’t be solved, and the wisdom to know the difference

I reported the item as missing, I have to wait 2 days before looking for a resolution in the case it magically pops up near my door, a location that even the deliver driver had no desire to come to (bear with me, I promise I’m releasing this)

I also had to acknowledge that I felt like sh*t. My injustice wound naturally will trigger thoughts of why am I getting the short end of the stick? What about me is deserving of this? An impulse to avenge (write a bad review, escalating it by calling the police, check the security cameras, print a picture slap it at the front door, I was pissed for 5 minutes straight!)

Angry Mr Krabs Meme

So, it was important for me to manage my response. So it was important for me in my actions to restore a balance, to feel like I can offer myself consideration (opposite action) from what I just experienced. This is the internal working for me I defused the experience:

‘This is an isolated event that happened, I will not stockpile it to paint an image that this is or will be a pattern in my life, evidence, I received a package earlier this morning, it was on time and was safely received.

Skin Care Package

I’m trialling some new skincare products!

This event was something where the probability of something bad happening was conveniently higher, it was 5pm-ish, I live in a high traffic location, the door into the housing complex was left wide open it’s not a gate with a concierge inside it’s just an unsupervised entrance.

My life will move on, I will get what’s owed to me as it’s not my fault to carry. I still have a to-do list to get done, I have admin to prepare for my master’s degree, I would like to create a YouTube banner for my YouTube channel, I also would like to refine my brand slide deck. My money will be refunded, and the outcome of me consuming the products will be happening in a week. What every person involved in this mishap does is also no longer my business.

Opposite Action: I journalled in my mood diary, which is simply a little homework I’m doing for my counsellor for the week. I’m ultimately just monitoring patterns and triggers like this one that could be affecting my mental health; I wrote this blog as gratitude to my experiences as it shows how much I have matured; I did a 20 min yoga routine, and finally ending my night using the skin care that safely arrived in my hands earlier in the morning.

There are many ways that we can regulate ourselves after triggering events: situation selection, situation modification, response modulation… but I think this strategy was the most effective it had a mix of ACT/DBT strategies (acceptance, cognitive reappraisal & opposite action) through a process of wound → trigger → acceptance → defusion → opposite action. I really hope this blog was useful or simply stimulating to read! Wishing you well.

Ester

Posted in Emotional Wellness

Giving yourself a mental break

Posted on by Ester
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Give yourself a break; Is it just me or is it becoming normal to be laying in bed and still be exhausted; having a lot to do but not having the energy to do it? Like me, are you struggling to sustain a healthy period of sleep, is time going by quickly, are you struggling to recall information? Okay, I think we need a mental break. In this blog, I will be giving you pointers that will be practically helpful in the short run.

Releasing a frantic mind

If you are like me, you will punish yourself by filling up your mind with thoughts unnecessarily and aggressively when you could be okay with just simply not having them. It’s hard telling yourself to rest when you are so used to running, and it’s hard telling yourself to rest when you feel like you are not deserving of it but if you are reading this, your intuition is probably telling you it’s time to take a mental break.

If you know that you want to pause your frantic mind, then you need to find a safe space and practice stillness. A safe space can be anything, anywhere, as long as it’s a space that you have chosen to be the location that you know gives you a comforted feeling of being alone. Some of my safe spaces in the past have been, the roof of a car park, an empty meeting room that no one goes to at a particular time, my couch and one I have created in my mind when I meditate. I

Journal

Journalling, is another well-known activity for health and wellness and there are two types:

  • Expressive writing: journalling your innermost feelings and thoughts; focusing on the experience.
  • Gratitude journaling: focusing on the positive aspects of life by capturing situations, events, and interactions for which you are grateful.

The Benefits of Journalling run far and wide and I don’t want to bore you with endless facts, so here are a few:

  • Reducing anxiety
  • Breaking away from a nonstop cycle of obsessive thinking and brooding
  • Improving the awareness and perception of events
  • Regulating emotions
  • Encouraging awareness
  • Boosting physical health

You do not have to restrict yourself to traditional journalling (writing in a notebook), you can also type in a digital notepad or voice record on your phone, whatever works for you. The most important point is that you feel safe and comfortable doing the activity

Going out 

Goodness, gracious, going outside. So simple yet so hard, you know it is just there, but you just cannot get yourself to do it. If what I am thinking, and feeling is weighing heavy I write it down and sometimes take it 2 more steps further; break down actions I may or ideally take regarding it and then I dare myself to put on some shoes; step outside and breathe. Commit to a 5-minute mindful stroll, leave your phone behind if you are willing; and then pay attention to the small things that are around you. Doing this alongside sitting down for 5 minutes in silence can do wonders.

Give yourself a Social Media break

I mean, what is there to say; for most people, social media is a part of our lifestyle and we’re constantly taking in information that ends up freely wandering in our subconscious. It can be draining and can have you floating away from the reality that is now. Let’s challenge each other to stay away from it until the next morning and see how we feel 🙂

Surprise yourself! naturally

Balance out the stuffiness of your mind by giving yourself a natural dose of happiness chemicals.

Dopamine (Reward Chemical) 🥇: Enables motivation, learning and pleasure.

How you could release it: Complete a task, Celebrate a small win (I play the easiest level of chess and it sincerely lights up my day again)

Oxytocin (The Love Hormone) ❤: Motivates you to build and sustain relationships (it’s simply satisfying)

How I release it: Giving a sincere compliment, Hugging a family member,

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Serotonin (Mood Stabilizer) 🧘‍♂️: Helps with self-acceptance.

How I release it: Meditation, Sun Exposure, walking in nature

Endorphin (Painkiller) 💊:  A response to pain and stress that temporarily alleviates from mental and physical pain

How you could release it: watch a comedy, Essential Oils (Lavender is a natural go-to), Exercise 

None of these stick in the long run and they do have their shadow effects; with that, it’s all about maintaining a balance a lot of the time when our brain is ‘exhausted’ it’s usually due to a consistency of something bad or even good. Almost like a wheel of fortune, a mental break isn’t just referring to stress, it’s referring to change and it’s referring to balance. I hope you can treat your mind nicely today, forced relaxation or positivity is also harsh on your mind and are typically counterproductive, follow your inner knowing to unbind the knots in your mind. If you have any suggestions please do comment below.

If you still need a little more or just more of an extensive guide if you know that you have constantly found yourself in a cycle of mental exhaustion I would love to recommend one particular book that gives you a sincere and practical guide to mindfulness:

I sincerely recommend their book: Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a frantic world. Their book provides a practical guide for practising mindfulness based on Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) and is suitable for people who don’t have a particular emotional or meant al disorder. This book really opened my eyes to help me understand why my brain was challenging me at an unhelpful time and gave me a beginner’s guide to put a stop to obsessive negative cycles.

I understand there are some who have it harder, I learnt that one of the co-authors of the book also wrote another edition called: The Mindful Way through Depression, this may hopefully validate your hardship but also give you the clarity that you may need to support you on your journey. Both books have been received positively, but if you have any other suggestions please share!

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Photo by Jc Laurio 

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