“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury”
Marcus Aurelius Roman Stoic Philosopher, 121 – 180
Author: Ester
Welcome to my webpage. My name is Ester, and I write all of the posts you see here, I am a certified coach, as well as an EQ facilitator and mentor.
I graduated with a BSc in Management (Sustainable and Ethical Business) but my strongest points were in leadership in practice mainly reflections I had to make regarding social and psychological dynamics in the workplace. I am about to start my Msc in Business and Organisational Psychology working on launching services in Executive coaching and OD consultancy.
I started this blog mainly because I deeply care about my community's capability to feel comfortable learning more about themselves which can aid them to learn about others. Social and emotional learning is not easily accessible or easy to digest. I spent a lot of my early years reflecting and observing my surroundings. I spend a lot of my time building self-knowledge to help me through the various cycles of my life. It is a difficult journey, especially for those who are not used to the vulnerability required for us to grow. Using my personal knowledge and what I have learnt through my studies I hope to provide digestible and valuable content. But more importantly create a small well connected community where we can talk about where we are at in life and cheerlead each other into positive transformation.
Quote Of The Day! 📙
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your estimate of it and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
Marcus Aurelius Roman Stoic Philosopher, 121 – 180
Good Morning! 📙
Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”
Marcus Aurelius Roman Stoic Philosopher, 121 – 180
Good Morning! 📙
“Humans have come into being for the sake of each other, so either teach them, or learn to bear them.”
Marcus Aurelius Roman Stoic Philosopher, 121 – 180
Good Morning! 📙
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth”
Marcus Aurelius Roman Stoic Philosopher, 121 – 180
Good Morning! 📙
” The happiness of your life, depends on the quality of your thoughts”
Marcus Aurelius Roman Stoic Philosopher, 121 – 180
Good Morning! 📔
“When you arise in the morning’ think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love…”
Marcus Aurelius Roman Stoic Philosopher, 121 – 180
Good Morning! 📔
“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength”
Marcus Aurelius Roman Stoic Philosopher, 121 – 180
Writer’s Block 😢
Good evening! Unfortunately, I’ve been struggling to come up with topics to talk about. In these last few blog posts, I did the best I could to deliver humorous and helpful reads but they lacked intention. Which contradicts what &Eunoia values. Consistency is key but I would like to prioritise the quality of my writing. To do this, I’m going to take some time to reconsider how I approach what I deliver to you.
If you do have anything you would like to hear for me in the meantime do let me know!
Reflection! 🦉- The first moment I stopped internalising the projections of those I cared about
“Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.” – African Proverb
(Direct Source Unknown- please share if you know)
‘Rather than dwelling on your mistake, look at what caused you to make the mistake.’
I am often told I am too harsh on myself, and I have struggled to see that. I spend a lot of time reappraising the way I see things as in my eyes, it’s more helpful to manage myself than to manage and challenge the perception of another person. I like to lead by example and treat others how I want to be treated. So bearing the responsibility of ‘being the bigger person’, (a practice I held close to my heart since secondary school), I got into the habit of introspection.
What could I have done to avoid this?
How did my behavior catalyse this uncomfortable situation?
How can I see the best of this situation?
These are the types of questions I ask myself. I take it upon myself to mitigate conflict and to stabalise a situation by exhibiting a high internal locus of control- a compromise made to balance my deep-seated beliefs that my life was dependent on external forces (fate/luck).
Recently, I was able to confront and challenge my beliefs. Is this really about me? For what reason am I upholding this amount of responsibility when the other agents in my life are going about their day reliant on this behavior? Is it fair to validate me and say yeah, this situation is exhausting; it is energy-depleting. It’s not my perception that needs to be changed, it’s my environment itself. During my class at university, we we learnt about emotional intelligence and leadership. I remember my professor saying that emotion regulation is an exhausting process and there were a small list for you to help with that (one included eating sugar). Seeing how much time I have dedicate to reappraising my perception, I couldn’t agree more. Now that I’ve seen myself lose the energy to move forward with any other practical tasks in the day after the mental gymnastics I just performed to be considerate of others.
I accept that I was mistaken to blame myself for not distorting an uncomforting reality. I choose to grace myself, because rather than dwelling on a mistake, what emotions I’m feeling, why I’m feeling it, whether I should be feeling it etc., I’ll identify the stressor and focus on removing the existence or engagement I have with it instead. In Gross’s emotion regulation process, this is called ‘Situation Modification.’ It’s the key process that takes you out of your mind and more focus on the practical effort you can make to remove or adapt your environment to keep the affect of a stressor at bay.
Who knew how much ease it would give me to simply rid myself of the pressure of toxic positivity, forced gratitude, and the overload of thoughts in my mind regarding the discomfort I was in?
Quote Reference: GOLD Restaurant. 2017. 12 African Proverbs and Sayings to Live By | GOLD Restaurant. Available Here [Last Accessed 26 March 2021].
Ester's Eunoia 